Thursday, October 23, 2008

Guinea Piggie

Today I finished my 6th week of doing my vaccine.  Yippee!  I also decided to go ahead with the clinical trial. I am not really sure yet that  I am doing  the "right" thing. I know I should go into every new treatment believing that it will help.  I have just been disappointed over and over again. I really want to put faith in this new pill.  Instead of packing my pretty bikini's and heading to a lovely island, I will be home in my Uggs trotting into the city to be a guinea pig.   I know what I am really upset & scared about.  If this  trial does work,  I will be on a pill that could shrink my tumors. But, how long will I be on them? And, what happens when my body decides to reject it?  Then what, another drug. This is how I have to live my life?   Maybe it's just time that I realize that I am not a normal 30 year old.  Instead of getting married and having children. I got married and  spend my friday evenings getting Ct scans of my chest in the hospital. Every girls dream.
I feel the tumors getting larger and they are starting to bother me.  I really pray that this works. I really need this pill to work.  So, Paul and I will not being going to the Bahamas. Not right now. I am going to start the clinical trial and see how I feel and see if it works.  Since I have to be at the hospital every week for testing, I can't leave Ny.  As soon as I can I will pack my bags and head to the sunny island for some immune therapy.  I will keep you posted.
Love, Guinea Piggie 


Anonymous said...

Just thinking of you. Bouquets of flowers, your favorite of course. Jhealy

Michelle said...

Thanks Joan!
I can smell pretty exotic flowers circling me!
Hugs! Michelle