Friday, October 30, 2009

Mrs. Potato head

12 head surgeries! Amazing that I haven't turned into Mrs Potato head! I have to pop in my Angry Eyes!

We arrived 1/2 hour late this morning due to traffic. I loved that I was reprimanded for being late. He asked me what time it I was a child. I also love Paul's come back response. He said, " OK, so the 10 times before this that we were early and waited around because you are never on time doesn't count?" It was very funny. After that the desk guy kept coming in to check on me. Ha!
After the nurse tapped my hand for 40 minutes looking for a vein....I walked into OR #2. I just have to add that I think it's so funny that the hospital has signs all over, WASH YOUR HANDS, STAY CLEAN. They give you a lecture about no deodorant (I don't use anyway), perfumes....because it's not sterile. But, then on the say of the operation you walk the nasty halls, use the bathroom in gray thin gross socks, jump on the table in them and its OK?? What is that?

Dr. Boyle said the lymph node came out nicely and he looked around the area to see any signs of spreading. It looked nice and clean. The biopsy did show spindle cell sarcoma. I am thrilled that it wasn't anywhere else. Not jumping for joy yet. I have learned not to get too excited. Positive, but realistic.

I am feeling good, sore. I am just taking Advil for the discomfort. I haven't felt any pain, just bruising and stiffness. My throat hurts more from the breathing tube...ugh I hate that thing.

I will get a scan most likely in 2 weeks, see Dr. Maki and then will start making decisions about the next step. I think it's time to get a little more aggressive. These bad cells in my body are having a field day!

Have a spooky Halloween!

Hugs, Mrs Potato Head

Friday, October 23, 2009

I'm use to the surgery process...especially the mental part. I just hate going through the emotions. I especially hate when the shock becomes anger. Because, I know the next step is sadness & fear. Yesterday I was still upset. Today, I can feel it welling up in me. A huge ball of tears that will land me with puffy eyes all day. I can feel it breaking me down inside. This is the part that I hate. The worst part is that I have a whole week before surgery.
I hate this feeling that's turning my stomach. I hate surgery and I hate cancer.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It's Back!

This part of my life is complete nonsense. I am over the drama of it all. I am over the saying, "Things happen for a reason." Frankly , they should not be happening anymore. I did my time!

I actually spent a month not talking about myself! I brought all the unhappy cancer talk to a halt. When someone asked how I was....I said great! I was able to put everything in the past.

I just knew it was going to be back. My gut told me that things were not right. This dumb lymph node felt funny. But, I really felt it would just go away.

It's the reason I missed my last appointment. I knew something was wrong. But, I needed some time to not think about it. I just wanted to relax before another surgery. I wanted to pretend that I was clean...that my scan showed nothing...that things were getting better. Yet, here I am back at square one. More anesthesia, more needles...more of everything I despise.

They took two biopsy's of the enlarged lymph node under my jaw. Doc had the pathologist come down to test it while I was still in the chair. Funny looking cancer cells were swimming around under the microscope. The best thing to do is to remove it.

I am scheduled for surgery on Friday, October 30th.

This surgery is screwing up my Halloween plan! I am going from a sexy german beer girl to a cut up cancer patient! Perfect! I guess I can keep my IV in and freak everyone out. Thank you lymph node for ruining my Halloween!

Chat soon....Michelle

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I want to wish luck to all the Girls doing the Avon Breast Cancer Walk! I am so proud of you girls for raising so much money and for most of all sleeping in a tent. Get some rest and I will be around if you need a piggy back ride or foot massage!

My News:
I am still waiting for this stupid lymph node to shrink. It's so close to my incision that it feels really funny to touch. I am trying hard not to think about it. I see Doc on October 20th. I am hoping it will start to disappear by then. I just know how it's going to play out. Doc will say "Hmmm maybe we should be safe and take it out." How about No Doc! I am very busy trying to figure out what I am going to be for Halloween this year. I was thinking sexy school girl...not cut up cancer patient. There is nothing sexy about that. Well maybe an open back gown could be sexy. Let me think about that.

Till then I will stay clear of anything that may be harmful to my lovely little lymph node....Vodka...Sugar. The things I love.

I started Ballroom dancing again. No, I don't look anything like the dancing with the stars people. Not even close. My poor feet are killing me. Nothing is more glamorous that me hopping into my house praying that I have Epsom salt to soak my puppies. Dancing is the best feeling accept it's totally ruining my fall wardrobe. I can't even rock my new boots. Oh the blisters!

Have a great weekend. Don't forget to support the breast cancer survivors & remember the ones we have lost. Here's to you Aunt Mary Anne. You are my Angel.

Love Michelle