Wednesday, February 25, 2009


I am the proud owner of 2 beautiful eyebrows! After a year of penciling them (one) on, I finally got them tattooed! I have conquered the water rides and lost one, sweated it off in the heat & even snorkeled knowing I was coming up for air with one!  I will miss penciling on an angry eye & wiping it off to get free stuff ( YES, I am guilty of pulling out the Cancer eyebrow-less card!)
I have spent more $ on pencils, waterproof makeup & my favorite glue on real hair brows! Those are the best. It's like blonde pubic hair in the shape of a brow! Those should be banned!

Thank you to all my Eyebrow helpers.
Kerrin for helping me from the beginning, The Girls at RJ West for a year of penciling  & Daryl for Tattooing my pretty eyebrows.


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Results are in! I am not talking about the Oscars you crazy Brad Pitt lovers!
My scan showed that my tumors are stable! 

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sweet Brivanib Dreams

Brivanib Dreamland! This is the lovely place that I will be dreaming about tonight.
I have been so sure about this Placebo. But, tonight 1/2 and hour after taking my triplets (3 pills!) I felt off. I was light headed and Brivanib groggy! Maybe I am just tired.  My mind plays funny tricks on me.  I can't fathom these tumors getting bigger. Especially the ones on my head. I am going to be walking around town with horns soon.  Tumors popping out of my head! Forget the eyebrow! I am going to need caution tape wrapped around me at all times. I am waiting for triplet heartburn to wear off so I can go to sleep. 
Tomorrow I get scan results. I also get to talk with Dr Doom about the next step.

Vent Section (read on with Caution) 
Stupid, stupid pills! Stupid cancer and stupid doctors with stupid mri machines! ughghhg I hate it all and I hate heartburn!  ahhahahhaha 

Now I am ready for bed!
Sweet Dreams 

P.s Please send good energy to my friend Billy. Love to Cindy, Anna,  Gail, Elsa, Elizabeth, Adina & all my ROCKIN friends.  Baby Belly Rubs to Georgia & Mary Kay! Kisses to Kerryanne for letting me make corn pasta and for being apart of the band!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Shells, Scans and Friendships

Here are some of the beautiful pictures that I took on my trip to Costa Rica.  I am looking forward to going back to discover the rain forests and beautiful beaches. We had an amazing trip. 

Today February 17th

After finding the perfect parking spot (always happens when I am running late) a mile from the train station......I caught it in time to make my Pet scan appointment. I would just like to know why I am still so nervous about needles and why I haven't gotten use to them.
This is what happened without adding drama (o.k. a little drama!). Needle went in, I squirmed, Radioactive dye (blahha) missed my vein, Arm swelled up, I cried in pain, Nurse said sorry, I turned white, Nurse got a pillow, I cried, Nurse took the needle out and tried the other arm, Nurse said sorry again,  I cried, Radioactive dye (crap) went in, I felt better. Then I drank the raspberry yummy and waited my turn....same as always. I still hate needles. I know that I got the Placebo. I gained 2 pounds and have felt great. I can eat and not feel sick to my stomach.I meant to check my blood pressure today ( Elsa! I forgot to ask!). I have really low pressure, but the Brivanib makes it high. So, I figured if it was low....then I know for a fact that it's the placebo. I am a genius! 
I will get my results on Friday.

I caught a ride on the MSKCC fun bus to 53rd and was able to have a lovely chat with my friend Adina.  She is an amazing, beautiful young women full of life & inspiration. I sat with her while she was doing the  Brivanib clinical study ( her long day) at the hospital.  I felt so comfortable, like I have known her for years. I know we have been through different things (cancer crap) but, it's like we have this bond.  A friendship that has already blossomed. Because, without saying a word we know how hard it's been. The tears, fears & of course the strength that has gotten us through all of it.  
Adina found me from my blog! On the friday before I left for Costa Rica she came up to me in hospital. Adina & her husband Chaim told me that the only reason she was starting it was because of me. She read my blog and after I spoke about the trial she wanted to do it. 
Today Adina gave me a Thank You card. I opened it on the train. While tears poured out  I searched my bag to find a hanky ( yes, I have them and it's usually up my sleeve). In the card she gave me 2 lovely sayings. This one I love...

What lies behind us, 
and what lies before us 
are tiny matters 
compared to what lies 
within us.

Thank you Adina. I love your passion for life &  your beautiful soul.  I loved sitting with  you today and will always be here if you need me. Doctors & shopping trips are a part of my friendship package. 

With Love,

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Sand & Air

Costa Rica 2009

Hola! Buenos Diaz!

The moment that I stepped into the cool Pacific water I new that this was the place. There is no word to describe how peaceful I feel. I walk along the beach and gathered shells , sea glass and listened to the water crash on the shoreline. The whole beach is filled with coral and you can here music as the waves crash them into one another causing a symphony of clinking sounds. It's the most beautiful sound. I feel healing energy as I sit in the sand an meditate. I was rubbing the thick black sand into my legs, thinking about healing me. I was going to dump it on my head. But, A. it's black and B. too many people would think I was nuts.

Yesterday, Paul and I traveled 20 minutes to do a zip line tour through the forest. I was so excited! We got buckled up, put our helmet's on and climbed a hill. It didn't really hit me until I looked across the wire and saw trees and nothing else! I looked at Paul, looked at the line, the drop and then I happily said....umm I can't do this! I took a deep breathe (like 20), told myself that life is short & then threw myself off this platform into the air...sliding into a Costa Rican on the other side waiting to catch me! Poor guy. I was holding onto him for dear life! The second one I used my hand brake too soon and got stuck! So, here I am dangling a 100 feet in the air from a cable with a guy who speaks spanish telling me to smile for a picture! I had to turn around and pull myself to the platform that was pretty far away. The whole time my heart was racing & I'm laughing so hard inside that this happend and this dude behind me is cheering me on, in spanish! After a few zips in the air I was ok & figured it out. I relaxed enough to fly through the air and took a look around at the beautiful scenery. The worst part were the ladders that we had to climb and the equiptment digging into your crotch!

Pill News: I have been taking the pills and I am 100% certain that I was one of the unlucky ones that got the Placebo. Actaully I shouldn't say unlucky. That really is the last thing that I feel. I am going to say that it's more of a pain in the butt. I feel very lucky...for many reasons. I do look at the pills as swallow them and call them names. My new one is stupid white stupid dumb placebo pill...stupid!!! I like that one the best so far.