My Journal

I didn't think that it would be that hard. Tape some pictures to a book and write the date in. But now that I'm filling a huge journal in to document the past 2 years....it's exhausting. I have done a little at a time. Because, I want to get every word, emotion right. But, there is just too many words to describe surgery, chemotherapy, radiation.  Basically I want to say, " It F**king sucked! But, this is something I will share with everyone & cursing may not be the best way to describe it. To be honest I still can't believe that I have battled Cancer. This is my Journey. And that is the name of my book, My Journey. Because it's not yours, it's mine. But, I am ready to share every detail. Every emotion. the good & bad. Let me tell you...the pictures speak for themselves. 

I shared my first few pages with Paul and we both cried. I never took pictures the first time around, 2002. It was different. I was indestructible. Brain surgery was nothing to me. Not until I got home 2 weeks later, looked in the mirror & said, " What the hell are you doing?"  It's kind of how I feel right now. What the hell did I do? How did I do it? 

I can finally start this project. I am far enough along that I can look at pictures and have a clear memory of what happened. Day by day. It's all too clear now. I took a step back and realized that I am stronger than I think. 

I am ready for the next step in my life. Because I have the journal to remind me that if I can go through that...I can accomplish almost anything. And that I have a hard head!

2009

I am so HAPPY  that 2008 is over! After  wonderful news from Dr. Doom  (he had the biggest grin in his face) on the 23rd ( my lovely tumors are stable!), and after I almost fainted from hearing it.....I had a wonderful Christmas with my family. 

I know I am suppose to have these amazing New Year resolutions, and usually I do. But, this year mine are going to be a little more about me. These are the 2 that I am accomplishing this week...

1. Get a new eyebrow!

2. Start dancing again. (Let me explain this one! Robert & I took Ballroom dancing, but had to stop when I had surgery) 

Hugs

Christmas Gift

I received the best gift for Christmas this year! I have to admit I was totally shocked. I had to gulp down two hot chocolates after I got the news. I thought I was going to pass out. 

My Scans came back with wonderful results. The Brivanib  pills are working! My tumors are stable and haven't grown since my last scan! One tumor in my lymph node has actually died! There is no blood flow to the tumor! This is the best news I could get. My doctor is so happy with these results. 

I will be on the pills for 12 weeks. After that I will be given either a Placebo or continue on the pills. Because it is a trial it's a 50, 50 shot that I could get the Placebo. Booooo! I will know right away by how I am feeling. The reaction happens within 15 minutes after I take the pills. I am a walking zombie.  If I do get the Placebo, I can then go back on the trial. 

I guess I am shocked because funny things happened when we were away last week and the whole time I spent worrying about scan results. I finally was able to relax and enjoy our sunny lovely vacation when a black cat (Paul thinks it was gray) walked across our path. I started with the Hail Mary's right away. Threw in a couple please, please, please, I will do anything god!I guess they do work.

There was also this beautiful statue of a male angel with these beautiful wings holding onto a women. The statue was called the hug. I was mesmerized by it's detail and meaning. I walked down in the morning to look at it. There was something about it that just made me feel calm and safe. 

Wishing everyone a Happy Holiday and Merry Christmas

With love

Michelle 

Let's Talk about Chickens

More than 30 billion animals are killed by the american meat industy each year - in ways that would horrify any compassionate person and that would be illegal if cats or dogs were the victims.

Chicks have their sensitive beaks cut off with out any painkillers. Most small farms have been replaced by massive corporate-run "factory farms" in which chickens, pigs, turkey and cows are treated like machines instead of living feeding individuals.  All the meat and dairy products you get in the supermarket comes from these disgusting over cramped farms. 

Ammonia levels in chicken farms are so high that the corrosive substance burns the birds lungs and skin.  YOU EAT THAT! More than 99 percent to chickens have the E coli bacteria even before they hit the market because of the filthy conditions they are raised in.

Undercover Investigations: Workers at a Pilgrims Pride slaughterhouse(the largest supplier in the US) were documented stomping on live chickens, spray painting their faces and slamming them into walls. Workers at a butterball slaughterhouse were documented punching and stomping on live turkeys and even sexually assaulting them. Watch the undercover video at VegCooking.com

Hens are crammed by the tens of thousands into filthy sheds with five to 11 hens per cage - the cages are so small that the birds can't spread even one wing. 

Chickens are genetically manipulated and dosed with antibiotics to make them grow so large so quickly that they become crippled under their own weight.

Research has proved that chickens are smarter than dogs ,cats and even some primates. In a natural setting a mother hen begins to teach her chicks various calls before they even hatch- she clucks softly to them while sitting on the eggs, and they chirp back to her and to each other from inside their shells. Unfortunately, chickens in the factory farms never met their mothers.

I am tired of people asking me why I choose not to eat meat.  Stop telling me that I don't get enough protein. Do your research. The world is filled with vegetables and nuts that can give you the same amount of protein. Think about what you feed your body with. 

My new T-shirt is going to say,"Save a Chicken, eat a Vegetable!" 

Sleepy Pills, Vaccine & Vampire Tumors!

Fantastic!!

Good.....Great news is that my recent MRI of my sinus cavity came back clean! 

I would also like to say that I believe( & my Dr.) that the tumors have gotten smaller. I know my scans next week will prove this to be true.  The tumors on my head have been killing me. I can't wash my hair without screaming. Doc thinks it may be because the tumors have been denied blood. There like little Vampires! 

My last vaccine shot is on Thursday. It's been 12 weeks. Time fly's!

We have been sitting in the hospital all day. Paul and I did venture out to have lunch right after I took the pills. Great idea Michelle. I almost fell asleep in my Thai veggie bowl.  We watched the movie Hancock and I now realize I should have been born with super powers. 

Blog Shout outs

Elsa you were missed today! Trying to sleep in this hospital is impossible. Praying for some bloody tumor bursting! Hugs

Anna..so glad that your coming home soon. We miss you. Proud of you!

Bandit, Thank you for keeping me up last night by walking on my head every hour. Yes..I understand that you love me, but licking my ear is not going to make me get up at 4am to get you a treat.

Have a great evening. 

Love one very sleepy Vampire