Saturday, January 17, 2009

My Journal

I didn't think that it would be that hard. Tape some pictures to a book and write the date in. But now that I'm filling a huge journal in to document the past 2's exhausting. I have done a little at a time. Because, I want to get every word, emotion right. But, there is just too many words to describe surgery, chemotherapy, radiation.  Basically I want to say, " It F**king sucked! But, this is something I will share with everyone & cursing may not be the best way to describe it. To be honest I still can't believe that I have battled Cancer. This is my Journey. And that is the name of my book, My Journey. Because it's not yours, it's mine. But, I am ready to share every detail. Every emotion. the good & bad. Let me tell you...the pictures speak for themselves. 
I shared my first few pages with Paul and we both cried. I never took pictures the first time around, 2002. It was different. I was indestructible. Brain surgery was nothing to me. Not until I got home 2 weeks later, looked in the mirror & said, " What the hell are you doing?"  It's kind of how I feel right now. What the hell did I do? How did I do it? 
I can finally start this project. I am far enough along that I can look at pictures and have a clear memory of what happened. Day by day. It's all too clear now. I took a step back and realized that I am stronger than I think. 
I am ready for the next step in my life. Because I have the journal to remind me that if I can go through that...I can accomplish almost anything. And that I have a hard head!


Anonymous said...

Dear Michelle,
I have been following your journey via info through your Mom. I marvel at your strength. You are (and always have been) pure sunshine. Paul is a lucky guy. I'm so glad you found each other .
I think about you often and I'm so glad things are going well for you now.
I love you !

Anonymous said...

Big sigh...I wish that I could put my journey down in words, but my thoughts are so scattered and I have pictures. I still hate having my picture taken unless I have on BIG sunglasses and nice lipstick :-)You my dear are an inspiration. Now you have me thinking....

Kathleen said...

It was tough for me to take some of those pictures, Michelle, especially the ones from a year ago. That's behind us now, and a new day is dawning. For you, for me, for our family and friends.
Your bravery shows in your courage to share what you know, and what you have been through.
You are my sunshine.