Friday, January 30, 2009

Brivanib or Placebo

Today was my 12th week on the clinical trial for Brivanib. I met with Dr. Maki &  he gave me good news that my tumors are stable, there is no change from my last MRI. 
The whole ride home I kept glancing at the brown paper lunch bag with my pills in it. I needed to know what was inside. Paul convinced me to wait.  I couldn't help opening it  anyway. Poked my finger through the foil top (didn't have that on my other pill bottles!), and carefully checked out the shape of the pill. Looked a tad smaller than my other pills. After a 10 minute conversation about safety foil on the tops of pill bottles....I did the only thing I could do. I called Elsa. She's my Brivanib buddy & just finished her 12th week.  

I took my pills at 10 pm and have been walking around in circles! I am in bed now & can't figure out if it was the Brivanib or Placebo!  As soon as I took them I was on the floor nauseous, holding back tears. The anxiety has been building up all day. The fact that it's been over an hour since I took them (11:15), I think I am going to say that I got the Placebo ( bastards!)

I will see again tomorrow evening.  Maybe I am just too worked up and thinking about it too much (Elsa your right!). I should be a lot calmer...especially since I will be on the Beach in COSTA RICA!!!! I will post another blog to let you know if anything changes.

The saga continues............


Elsa D. said...

;) enjoy Costa Rica because we have a lot to do when you come back.
I had the same reaction as you, I was convinced that I had the placebo and I wouldn´t sleep...
Let´s just think that we are taking the drug... placebo? what´s that?

Anonymous said...

Costa where??!! I'm jealous!!I hope you have a great time beautiful...
So happy to hear your good news :-)
Love and hugs....Gail

Anonymous said...

Michelle... you don't know me, I am a Texas girl... I was surfing the web today, looking for information on epsom salts, and for some reason, I was brought to your page... Your story impacted me as I read the brief story on page one. I felt I needed to contact you and let you know that I added you and your family to my prayer list today... I believe I was led to your page to become one of your "balcony people"; to be a support for you. You see, one of my very best friends has brain cancer, and we have been on the journey with her for five years now; although she is "not suppose to still be here", she is stable, living a miraculous life, and we are thankful. I will be praying for you and your family... know that you have someone in Texas that will be asking for guidance for your doctors, healing and blessings for you... Hang in there, life is full of twists and turns, and the experiences you gain from them are the legacy you continually write for others, having an effect on their lives for the best. Take care... VLM

Anonymous said...


My name is Lynette and I'm an oncology research nurse. I'm from Canada originally and now I live in NC. My grandmothers "boyfriend" back home has recurrent met colon ca and is thinking about entering a clinical trial that was offered. I wasn't too familiar with brivanib so here I am trying to get more info.
Well, I came across your blog and got drawn into it with your positive outlook on life. I just had to leave you a note to let you know how fabulous you are!!! I admire your strength and beauty and no matter what happens, enjoy the time that you have. You are amazing!


Anonymous said...

Michelle Michelle,

My name is Lun. Few hours ago, my dad's doctor told me about Brivanib, and I am trying to do some research on this drug and clicked into your page. My daddy has liver cancer and it has spreaded to other areas of his body, and his doctor said Brivanib is our only hope at the moment. Hoe does the Clinical trial work? How does the drug look like? How would I know if they are providing my dad with the real drug?
-Any information is greatly appreciated. I admire you for being so strong. Good Luck to my daddy and Good Luck to you!!

Anonymous said...

Michelle, I came across your page when doing a search for brivanib. I work for the pharma company who make brivanib, we talk about it everyday but it's just another work phrase to us! When I read ur page it reminds me why I go to work everyday... the importance of the drugs we make and how they help patients across the world.
I sincerely hope brivanib holds the cure for you, I wish you the best of luck with your fight against this awful and unfair disease.
'L' in Ireland