Paul said it perfectly, "You are upset because you have lived a normal life since February"

I took one look at the hospital gown, the port in my arm and started balling my eyes out.
Over & over in my head I kept thinking, I don't want to be here. I don't want bad news, I don't want my life to change again....I don't want to add another page to my Hospital journey scrapbook. I have a weekend + 2 days to go.

I use to find it funny that I new every hallway, every floor of the hospitals. I know which floors have the hot chocolate machines! One time we were waiting to see Dr Maki and the machine was broken. People were standing around holding empty coffee cups. I said," Hey, let's take the elevator up to 8 and get it! I know they have a mocha latte's too!" I crowded in an elevator with a few people and we rode it up to coffee heaven.

I am taking a very deep breathe and look forward to a beautiful weekend.

Hugs, love and many smooches!

Cowgirls and Sunblock

I realized that I haven't blogged in a while. I've been busy enjoying the outdoors.

Paul and I got our garden in and it has grown so much. I already have tomatoes. They are green..but growing. I think we put in eight tomato plants, one eggplant, two cucumbers, string beans, herbs...and peppers. I love watching everything grow. I'm going to have a wonderful salad in a few weeks.
I've been playing a ton of tennis and getting so much better. I look so darn cute in the skirts....how could I not play! Tom and I are proud to say that about two weeks ago we kicked butt on the courts against the sacksteins! Sorry di! Keep practicing Princess!

Last Friday was cowgirl night at dance.  I've been pushing the cowboy theme for a long time. I Love boots! I Love cowboys too!
Kristen is a tropper..she totally rocked the dance floor dancing her two-step! I owe you darling!

My aunt diane has been having ceizures. Diane is 51 with down syndrome. I'm with her now hanging out. She just had a big bowl of ice cream and is looking at me with puppy eyes for more. I bribe her constantly. Have a glass of water ( does not like water) and I'll give you a muffin. She  LOVES blueberry muffins. I'm surprised that she hasn't turned into one.

I'll post some great pictures of us cowgirls.

I'm feeling really good. I have my scans tomorrow in the city...53rd street if anyone is going to be around. I'll be the girl pacing on the 8th floor :)
Next Tuesday I will get the results....please keep your fingers crossed. It's going to be a long weekend. I already have an upset tummy thinking about it.

I giggle when I look in the mirror. My body is golden brown and my face and neck is pale white!  Sunblock...it's hot out there! I am scared to tan my scars on my neck. And...I started to get my sun-stache! It's a mustache that comes out when I am too tan. No really...it's there! I wear zinc on my upper lip. I look like an idiot!

Rock the Cowboy-girl boots and please protect the stache from too much sun!

Yee-Haw!

Billy Robsky

October 4th 2008

I met Billy Robsky for the first time at Kripalu in  Massachusets attending  a Crazy Sexy Cancer weekend retreat. We sat in a big circle with a group of about 50 people who have been touched or affected by Cancer. On the second day we had an excersize that we had to partner up with someone. It was like being picked last for kick-ball!  We were the last two standing! Billy and I looked at one another and spent hours hula hooping and laughing!  That was the day that I made a wonderful friend.

Billy was my Cancer buddy. We talked about our struggles, doctors appointments and dreams.   We cried  often and we laughed a ton.  Billy taught me a lot. He  taught me to not always listen to the doctors! I have to go with my gut! His advice has saved me in so many ways. I thank him for that advice.  We both wished for things to change. Always hoping the bad times were behind us.

Billy, everytime I look at my hula hoop I will think of you. You will always have a place in my heart. You were my friend and my buddy. Thank you for listening and helping me through the hard times. Thank you for teaching me to fight  and to kick this cancer in the butt.  I have been blessed by angels to have met you. You were the kindest person I have ever met.  You will be missed.

Please say a nice prayer or thought for Billy's wife Lynn and Family.

Hugs & Hula
Michelle

Mother Teresa

My friend Diane gave me a book a while ago..." Don't forget to sing in the lifeboats."
It's a cute book with positive sayings.  
Two of my favorites.. First,  from Mother Teresa....  "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
and " Life's a Bitch, You have to go out and Kick Ass!"


Here I am on Mothers Day. Thankful to have a wonderful Mother. Greatful to have a wonderful Mother-in-law. Yet I feel so sad today. Because,  every year I have only asked for a simple request. Cure me. Cure me , so Paul and I can move on with our lives. We want to enjoy the next step of being parents. Cure me, so I can be a Mom. Cure me, so I can give my husband the family he always wanted. Cure me, so I don't feel like such a failure. 


Every year I say...next year will be my Mothers Day. Now I  am watching  this one pass by. 
Maybe it is true. I couldn't handle anything else in my life. Taking care of my health was number one. I know it's made me a different person. A better wife, a better friend and I will be a better Mom because of my struggles. It's taking me longer than most...but, I will get there.


To all the Mothers out in this world, Happy Mothers Day. Give them a squeeze and let them know you love them.  For every Diaper change, every tantrum, every time they make you stay up awake, waiting until 2 in the morning..past the curfew..wondering what in gods name  they are they doing!....It's  a Gift. 


One more time...Next year I will be a Mom!


Happy Mothers Day

Concord, Mass., Votes to Ban Sale of Bottled Water - AOL News

Concord, Mass., Votes to Ban Sale of Bottled Water - AOL News