Holy........you know what! The doctors were right about one thing. Give it two weeks and the side effects will kick in. I can't even drink water without the feeling of choking. I have thrown up almost everything. That feeling of something getting stuck in you throat, ten times worse. Like razor blades going down and then Crap it's stuck and you can't swallow. I have been using the lidocane, mallox mouth wash. I put it on a spoon and let it glide down my throat. YuCk! YUck! YuCK!
My back feels ten times worse than it did when the tumors were there. I am still using the patches all over, its the only thing beside Ativan that gets me to sleep. They must be really pissed off. My nerves are like lightning bolts of sharp pains. I have never felt so awful. Wait....Boston...Chemo and Radiation combo, that was the worst. I would take another brain surgery! When will it end?? It's been months. Could you beleive I was stupid enough to think it was a pulled muscle! I was so stupid. My stupid bones and liver!
Eating.....I am getting use to it and finding things that work for me. Frank, I know you said don't worry about my diet. I have to worry, because my body isn't use to eating somethings.
I can't do it anymore! I tried the milk thing...yuck. Ice cream ( Rocky Road was my best friend) and anything like it makes so much mucus and my mouth is worse.
I just finished treatment to my face and I am still in recovery from that. I have so many issues.
Coconut milk (yummy), frozen fruit, banana....that's a nice blended breakfast. I made taco's! Remember this is all made possible by my magic bullet! Black olives, cheese, veggies and sour cream ( I need it to mush and help swallow), in a bowl. Yummy. Earl made me yummy soup. Kerry Ann made me...what are we calling it?? Veggie happiness. Tonight I mushed some brown rice (bad idea, gets stuck) and slowly chewed edimame until it was mini to swallow.
I know understand what it feels like to not be able to eat. I have dropped a few pounds this week. Dare I tell the doctors? They are still trying to figure out why I have nickle size bruises all over my body. I just got one on my hand. All over one side of my body. It's really strange.
I keep thinking about what to do now. Chemotherapy? My poor body! Why is this happening, when do I get a break? I can't even hold the tears back...I just want to be left alone. I feel helpless about this decision. I want to do nothing. I am doing my Cellect everyday, 4 times. ( go to bottom to get Cellect info) No more coffee. I eat good. Lot's of supplements. I will get off this gross medication when I am out of pain. I cleanse my liver with teas everyday. Wellness center helps with digestive stuff. I have to find something else to keep my energy & immune system strong. I can't control the cancer if it spreads. I can't fix myself! When people ask what my plan is I try to ignore it. I don't want a plan or another pill schedule.
I am getting these stupid 5 dot radiation tattoo's off of me. They are small, little reminders and I hate them.
AFM...Fart Man...Buddy...I am doing good. Getting through it. Thanks for checking in with me. How are you doing?
Christmas Weekend
Tomorrow my brother Robert is graduating from the NYC Police academy! Congratulations! It's so amazing and I am the proudest sister!
I am working Friday at Rexer Parkes in Huntington if anyone wants to visit or shop. I can help you shop! Beautiful women's clothing and we now have Custom Tailored Men's Wear by Josephs.
Saturday will be another long day. Looking forward to spending time with my family, everyone will be there. Happy Birthday to Brian! My brother was born on Christmas. Double the gifts. Then we will head to Paul's brothers house to see everyone too. Our nephews have gotten so big. I can't even shop for them! Toys are not even a thing, Cash! Perfec, I have no idea what ot buy for anyone any more. That's why no gifts is the best idea. Just food and laughs. Blended of course. Great for me! This really stinks! Really! Thanksgiving I had no taste buds and now this! UGh! New book idea , "How to keep a cancer girl skinny! "
Sunday is relax day. Christmas morning is my favorite. I love waking up and being super excited and I am not sure why I still get that way. It's exciting. The build up till Christmas, the tree and stockings.
I keep busy, better than feeling the torture inside of me. I smile all day...I am living!
Pain medicine will be my holiday eggnog.
A new year of nothing but making it about healing me.
Check out me and my Cycle Team! Franks Cyclers are kicking butt! I have to get my outfit ready for cycling in FebruaRy! I will make sure everyone has the deatils. I am floored by the love and support.
Copy and Paste: http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=1602&team_id=16652
Goodnight Everyone :) The biggest Hugs
To learn about CELLECT
Call National Cancer Research Foundation.
www.ncrf.org or toll free 1-877-cancer-free or 631-584-3100 (Ny Call)
It's a powder I take with a ton of good things. Worth the call, ask for Steve.
3 comments:
We hope your Christmas was merry and are sending our love and wishes for a HEALTHY, HAPPY New Year to you and Paul!
Hey MichelleOnLongIsland,
Christmas was good for us. Busy, busy, busy. Tired, tired, tired . . . but loving it. The hustle and bustle is a good distraction.
With our daughter behind the wheel, we drove down the road to spend Christmas Day, and to spend the night Christmas Night, with my brother and my sister and their families. My little niece and nephew are darlings. They love to have their bellies tickled, and we are happy to oblige. At Christmastime, it's always best to be around some little ones who still believe in Santa Claus! Such pure innocence renews one's faith in humanity!
I pooped out and had to go to bed early, but it was pleasant to drift to sleep hearing everyone else downstairs having such a happy time. I didn't mind not being right in the middle of it. It was almost better to hear it from upstairs. It reminded me of safe feeling I felt when I was a little child myself and would fall asleep listening to my parents talking downstairs.
Here's something funny and silly: The Christmas decorations I put on our front balcony include three strings of colored lights arranged to spell the word J O Y! The other night the J burned out, so now our lights spell OY! Does that make them Hanukkah lights? My wife says I should reverse the O and the Y, to spell YO!, in honor of Kwanzaa.
I better stop before I say something completely politically incorrect.
You are going through such a tough time. I know it's easy for me to say, "It's going to be okay," but that's the way I feel about you, and about myself, too, so I'm just going to go ahead and say it. There are people who love us, and God loves us. So we're going to be okay.
I've been following your blog for some time now. I am sorry that you are/were going through such crappy time! Have you tried Baskin-Robbins sherbets? Not sure if they would work for you, but for me, after thyroid ca and operation, it was one of the things I craved and worked well mixed with Lidocaine. I mean aspoonful of sherbet first, then yuck Lidocaine. Brand new recipe there yay.. not.
Blenders are a real blessing!
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