Monday, August 8, 2011

Fifth week

Moving along....faster than I thought.

I never made it out to Montauk. I was so uncomfortable all weekend. My poor mouth is bothering me so much. I have horrible sores and my taste buds are like huge bumps. I can't taste a thing and if I's like soap!
I'm on my fifth week and have nine treatments to go! I am almost done!

I was talking with my neighbors oldest son about manifesting good energy and thoughts. His mom said that with all the crap that I have been through, she can't believe how amazing positive I am. I have to admit, I know am. I rarely get upset or talk cancer sadness to people around me. I have a few friends that I break down with and talk openly about it. I don't hold it in. I am fighting this! I've been dealt a tough hand...but hey most of us have.
I believe that is why I had such a hard time when a friend didn't quite understand my crankiness. What...?? Cranky because I have a hard time living with cancer? Yeah, you wouldn't understand that one.
When I am having a tough day I let everyone around me know. I see how people take things personally. It's absolutely ridiculous. I let them know ahead of time how my day is panning out. It gives them a chance to either run and hide or stick by my side and help me through the moment.

What I have learned during radiation treatment...

Italian ices make me hyper
Cranky is okay
I'm stronger than I think

SPOHNC meeting this Thursday evening! I am looking forward to my support group. A month is way too long! They will be so proud my strength and progress.

My dream ~ my Aunt Mary Ann passed away this time four years ago of breast cancer. She is my god mother, my angel. Last night I dreamt of her beautiful face. She looked like I remember her. A long braid and cute Irish freckles on her face. I reached out to her crying and asked her over and over, why did you leave me? She never spoke. I felt her arms wrap around me. My Aunt was so petite and tiny that I would have to bend down to hug her. I did this in my dream. I was sobbing and I could feel the nook of her neck and shoulder. It felt so real and comforting. I truly believe that she is with me.

Peace & meditating hugs

1 comment:

Sjn said...

I'm a new follower of your blog, riding the Sarcoma roller coaster too. I know what you mean about the good days and bad. I can't seem to stop crying lately, since my last recurrence 7 weeks ago. All the treatment decisions can be overwhelming. I start radiation next week, doing the prep visits now. I hope it works, I hope the side effects are minimal, I hope I can beat this %#*! disease.
You are an inspiration to me! I love your positive attitude, and hey, you are so entitled to be cranky when you feel like it!