Wednesday, June 26, 2013

so sorry for our loss.

As many of you have figured out by now, our beautiful Michelle passed away last Sunday June 23rd at 7:07 AM. it was her favorite type of day, hot, sunny and humid, the first such day of summer which was her favorite season, hence the name "beach girl"

From following her posts you are all aware of the strength, humor, and stubbornness she faced down this disease with, until the very end she was fighting and never wanted to give up, because as she told me last week, i love you to much to quit. so she bravely took on another round of chemo which was 4 days in a row, each day 11 hours. Sadly, her brain swelling became to much, and she suffered several seizures and never recovered from them. In between the seizures she told me she loved me, I whispered in her ear that it was okay to let go, that she had fought to long and endured to much suffering for one person. I told her I loved her and that we would all be fine. At this point she began to breathe more easily, and passed the following morning.

I was going through her things from the hospital, and i found a slip of paper of notes she was jotting down, she told me about this "Invention" she had for gag gift scented candles that actually had awful smells. on the note the was the following:


1. onions or scallions and Garlic
2. Rotten eggs (already done in a stink bomb but may be a good seller)
3. Fish-clam (ask Boo) that was her nickname for our dog bandit who loves clams
4. smell of gas
5. Garlic (again)
6. Blue bathroom sanitizer on planes
7. Nail polish remover
8. Hamster cage.

She wrote this out two nights before she passed, once again humor was the fiber that ran through her entire odyssey. if any of you care to bring this dynamic invention to market, be sure to name it after her.

We all loved her very much, please keep her as an inspiration to all who are suffering through this awful disease. The main purpose of her blog was to help others in this struggle with information on clinics we went to, treatments that were effective and how to keep a positive attitude while suffering through this ordeal.

After being diagnosed with Sarcoma in 2007, she endured 23 surgeries, 120 radiation treatments,  3 cycles of chemo, an assortment of clinical trials and holistic treatments. we tried it all, but in the end it just wasn't in the cards. Through it all, her friends, family, loved ones and blog followers is what kept her going, and for that I thank you. your comments and support made it easier for us to find the strength to get through this.

She jotted down the following quote in her diary "in three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on" Robert Frost.

that exemplifies her spirit, and we should remember that as we recover from this terrible blow we suffered. she was a dynamic spirit, who cast a bright light, so we all have a very large void in our lives. But she would not want us to remember her with sadness, but instead only focus the thousands of hysterical and loving moments she brought to each of us.

thank you again for your support, her adoring, and loving husband Paul.

Monday, May 27, 2013

I'm sorry.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Who's your Super Hero?

May Heat

We had the heat on today! It was sho chilly in my house. It didn't stay on for long. I hope it warms up.

I just woke up with the good old list in my head. It's nice that my list has good things on it. It's getting longer and longer as each day passes.
Mich you are in for a treat! I can't wait to show you my sdorable scary blazer I am returning. I think I may make you do it. It's embaressing that I even ordered it! Online shopping can bring color blindness!

Started the simmulation yesterday for radiaiton to my upper back tumors. I wasn't aware of the milogram. They did another one on me at 11 a.m.  I had to lye flat on a uncomfortable stretcher for house out in the hall. I think that moth on the round bright light is dead. It didn't move while I was visiting. Wait a second, I didn't move either.

Fartman, you will enjoy this story!
I did and always try to make light of my situations. While I was in the room getting turned up & down I did something funny. I Farted! Close your eyes for this one to visual. The fellow was just finishing up and looking at the xray screen at my spine. He was close enough to understand what that noise was. I couldn't blame it on sneaker rubber or my chair! It was me!
I am always curious. Sometimes I want to know everything about what they are doing. Most times, I don't. Lickety split, get it over with. Yesterday, I was asking a million questions. I have had this procedure before. I was nervous and annoyed that I wasn't given any information on my day. That's another long blog entry. I will have to throw some people under the bus for that one.

Control. I wish I had more of it.  Good control. Control over my body, health is a big one. I can't stand when someone else is driving my car. DRives me nutso! Food shopping, shopping in general. Clothes, not so much. Buy me anything pretty. I need to get everything on my list. If it's not right, I am so annoyed. I can go on. I will stop now.

Here's another story. I got beat up by a little kid in the bagel store a few weeks ago. He was growling at me and pushing me. He said her was the HULK. I giggled and told him I was Iron Man. This made him smile and mad. Iron Man is a boy and you are a girl. You can't be a super hero. I was asked what color Iron Man was and his little face lit up when he realized I knew my comics. Then I mentioned Wonderwomen and he lost it. HULK was attacking me! His dad laughed and ordered him a spiderman cookie! Super heroes are back. Which one would you be???

I have these beautiful ideas for my home, decorating. The other day I went insane over a house magazine that I just got in the mail. My foyer and living room was in it! The same wall colors. My rug that I have been obsessing over too. Sometimes I wonder if I have good taste for decorating spaces. I do get great compliments. Are they fake. NO WAY! I just got the nicest pat on the back....owe tumor.
I have great taste. Exspensive, great.  Rug...........part of my list.

Bandit dog is limping again. She's our little one. If I take her to the vet, they say the same thing. Give her time. Don't let her jump from anything.  My mom, Paul and I tried carrying her around to help her. She needs to walk it off. The vet doesn't do anything but slap me with a bill. I am tired of bills, even from the dogs.

Have a fun Wednesday!
All my best
Hugs and Kisses

Thursday, May 9, 2013


GRRR Today!

Walking into the hospital I was determined to get out of pain. I would of went to urgent care if the doctor didn't do anything for me. I said to myself and to him, What will make Michelle happy today? Get me out of pain and a handicap sticker for my car.  I couldn't even sit in the car driving into the city. My back! GRRR!

I am not out of pain yet. But, I did get him to give me a nerve block and a shot of steroid/cortisone in my spine. Ouch.  He said he was proud of me because I use to cry and beg to be knocked out for this procedure. Today I got on the table (slowly, like a little old lady) and took deep breathes. I drooled all over the un-soft blue pillow. Squeezed his hand and viola (mom that's for you!) it was over. Felt the nerve twitch and that was a great sign that he got it. Hoping to be out of pain for at least 2 months.

Doesn't matter. I am going to do more radiation and surgery. Games begin on Monday!

Get ready for my happy out of pain blogs. I am hoping to get some sleep tonight. Paul too! He got a flight home this morning and looks so tired after the long day we had.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013


Good evening, morning...what time is it???

I don't even know what to do with myself right now.  I am lying in bed, which is the worst because I only feel the pain more.  My back is so bad that I can't even catch my breathe. My hands are completely numb from rubbing this lydocaine cream into my lower back, the spots that I can reach. Shooting nerves up and down my spine and now into my lower back, cute butt and legs. I can tolerate a ton, not this. I gave in to the pain pill gods and hoping they kick in soon. I need relief from this. Every movement hurts. I look like I am being eaten by my bed pillows. Not even kidding you, I must have 10 surrounding me. Rolling around in my sleep or moving makes me jump up. You should check out my adorable wedge pillow! Highlight of my evening.

When my brother stayed with me, I loved that he would listen to meditation to sleep. It was very peaceful. Better than watching t.v.  I need to do this. He is a smart boy!

I am begging my doctors tomorrow to help me. I am seeing them to sign consent for another radiation and nerve block. I am not even sure what's going on.  Going with the flow on this one.

Today was a nice day. I saw my adorable cousin Mary Margaret. It was wonderful catching up with her. She came over and we had a nice time hanging with the doggies in my house.

Exciting to see again. My vision is great! What a difference. This I am grateful for. Patience and good healing on my lovely blue eyes.

Please send a big hug to my friend Frank. He is struggling with eating. He did get some good news this week from the doctors. We are very happy Frank.

Back to my wall of pillows and sleep ( not sheep!)