Happy Holidays

See You Later 2009! It's almost OVER! I just have to get through Christmas!

Whoa I am so happy that this year is coming to a close. I thought it would end nicely...but boy the last few weeks have been stressful. Scratch that...10 days away from the nonsense was a treat! Nothing but sunny sky's & guacamole.

Now I am just finishing the last minute details of Christmas Eve. Wrapping..cooking!

Happy Birthday to my brother Brian and my wonderful friend Natalie! The Christmas Babies.

Paul and I want to wish you a very Happy Holiday.

Lot's of Love,
Michelle

Quiet Time

Hola!

10 Days of peace and quiet in sunny Mexico! I left my cell phone and computer home and plan on having a very relaxing vacation. I can still steal Paul's computer if I need a fix. We haven't even left the airport and I have to update my blog!

Things (Dr's & cancer stuff) are still the same. I canceled all my scans & appointments for December. I figured I had enough for one year. I have been feeling more human since I stopped walking the halls of Mskcc.

Please send extra prayers to two of friends that I met in Boston, Cindy & Eric. Eric..we are chearing you on. xoxoxox

Love, Michelle

I have had a busy week and it's only Tuesday! I called my Surgeons office and cancelled my appointment for today. It was really a routine checkup after surgery. I gave them a brief diagnosis over the phone. Incision is healing nicely and no complaints. I failed to mention that I ripped off the steri strip too soon ( It was suppose to fall off) and it bled for a day. It was dirty...and everyone knows how I feel about germs!

I have a fundraiser on Thursday for Good Samaritan Hospital that I volunteer at. I am Chairlady of the event. I really just like saying Chairlady...I am sooo important!

Tomorrow I say goodbye to my pretty car. Thanks for the nice driving and letting the wind blow through my hair on the sunny days that I felt like complete crap.
My car is really special to me...I know that sounds silly. I will explain. Three years ago I was having a really hard time. I wasn't getting along with friends, my family was driving me nuts and I had this unknown bump on my forehead. I was super sad for days when Paul told me to get into the car....we were going car shopping. My truck lease wasn't up for months and new I wasn't ready to buy another one.
We walked through the showroom and that's when I saw the love of my life....my soul mate! Alright...my second soulmate! Paul stood next to me and said the words every girl has been waiting to hear, " PICK ONE!!!"" I was speechless. I picked out a beautiful convertible. And, that beautiful convertable sat in my garage for 3 whole months while Paul drove me back and forth into the city every single day for Radiation treatment.
I would get home, go into the garage and sit in it. Waiting for a sunny day to take her out.

I disliked Paul's car. It reminded me of a time that I hated. Every single day was the same. I'd get up...get into Paul's car... sit in traffic...wait for treatment...smell burnt brain and then we would drive home and sit in more traffic. I don't like Paul's car! I would get into my car and breathe. Driving it made me feel like I had some control over my life. This car has been in my life during my worst times...Radiation...Chemo..Ugh Boston! I remember coming home on weekends from Boston. I couldn't wait to drive her....it was an excape...that made me feel good.

Friday, I am back in the city to see Dr. Doom. I already called and left a great complaint with the staff! I want a game plan when I arrive. None of this, let's see what happened nonsense. Figure it out Doom!

So that's my week.
I do get to celebrate with my gorgeous friend Michele tomorrow for her Birthday. I love Birthdays! Happy Birthday Mich!

Mrs. Potato head

12 head surgeries! Amazing that I haven't turned into Mrs Potato head! I have to pop in my Angry Eyes!

We arrived 1/2 hour late this morning due to traffic. I loved that I was reprimanded for being late. He asked me what time it was...like I was a child. I also love Paul's come back response. He said, " OK, so the 10 times before this that we were early and waited around because you are never on time doesn't count?" It was very funny. After that the desk guy kept coming in to check on me. Ha!

After the nurse tapped my hand for 40 minutes looking for a vein....I walked into OR #2. I just have to add that I think it's so funny that the hospital has signs all over, WASH YOUR HANDS, STAY CLEAN. They give you a lecture about no deodorant (I don't use anyway), perfumes....because it's not sterile. But, then on the say of the operation you walk the nasty halls, use the bathroom in gray thin gross socks, jump on the table in them and its OK?? What is that?

Dr. Boyle said the lymph node came out nicely and he looked around the area to see any signs of spreading. It looked nice and clean. The biopsy did show spindle cell sarcoma. I am thrilled that it wasn't anywhere else. Not jumping for joy yet. I have learned not to get too excited. Positive, but realistic.

I am feeling good, sore. I am just taking Advil for the discomfort. I haven't felt any pain, just bruising and stiffness. My throat hurts more from the breathing tube...ugh I hate that thing.

I will get a scan most likely in 2 weeks, see Dr. Maki and then will start making decisions about the next step. I think it's time to get a little more aggressive. These bad cells in my body are having a field day!

Have a spooky Halloween!

Hugs, Mrs Potato Head

I'm use to the surgery process...especially the mental part. I just hate going through the emotions. I especially hate when the shock becomes anger. Because, I know the next step is sadness & fear. Yesterday I was still upset. Today, I can feel it welling up in me. A huge ball of tears that will land me with puffy eyes all day. I can feel it breaking me down inside. This is the part that I hate. The worst part is that I have a whole week before surgery.

I hate this feeling that's turning my stomach. I hate surgery and I hate cancer.