I came on to check up on some friends & to blog about my Dr's appointment.
But, as soon as I started typing I felt this wave of anger & sadness.
My pathology: I had sarcoma in both my parotid gland & a another tumor Doc removed above it. My lymph nodes that were removed in my neck had no spreading! That was great news.
I know I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm tired, I'm angry, and I'm sad. I have another tumor growing on the right parotid gland. All I think about is when am I going to get it removed. How much is going to grow?
My body is so achy & my back is so sore. I walk, sit, and lye down and I don't feel comfortable. I can't sleep a full night without waking up 5-10 times. I can't watch t.v because I feel like the stitches in my neck are pulling. I have to keep my head straight and with my right eye being partially blind, it's hard. I am so afraid of damaging my belly incision that I wear my waistband as tight as possible. I feel like my insides are falling out when I take it off. When I take a shower, I hold my stomach. I am deathly afraid of sneezing! It's happened a few times and the pain is horrible.
I can't take the pain meds. I get sick & nauseous. I guess they weren't kidding when they said a month recovery.
Elsa what the hell are we doing? I am hoping you have some words to get me through this. I think the detox of medication & anesthesia is putting me into a "Leave me alone, I need to feel sorry for myself comma!"
Time will heal. Then more surgery and more healing. Maybe they won't shave my head next time.