You going to love this pity party blog!
I made myself a promise a long time ago that I would never let my brothers ripping my barbie's heads off bother me. Then as I got older I vowed to never let a boy break my heart. A couple of years ago I did the same with this disease. I will never let it take over my life. I will beat this cancer. I will be happy.
But, I feel like it has taken things from my life that I want back. It took my time ( I would rather be shopping than getting a scan!) ....my appearance (please don't comment on this! I am being honest here!)...the pains I get in my head, my scars.... ... and my chance to have babies. I have spent days crying, angry over it all. Again and Again. I move on, I get worse, I get better. But, I still cry. This whole experience has made me strong, but it has really pissed me off. I want the next step to happen in my life...but I am patiently(not really) waiting for this chapter to end! And, I know that it will never end. I will never be able to not cry when they take blood. I will never be able to walk into a scan, praying that it's just a nightmare. It completely sucks.
There is a book that I always have on my shelf. I buy it for others, because I don't want to give up my copy. I love the way it feels in my hands, used and worn in. I have read some of the same chapters that it just opens right to it. Today I reread the introduction. The Practice To Happiness. I like this chapter because it really shows me how being angry has made me suffer. I do meditation & focus on changing the anger into something good. Yes, I can cry. But it's not doing me any good to hold all this anger in.
I know that everyone deals with bumps in the road. I also know that if I manifest what I want, I will have it. Those stupid bumps will not get in my way. They may be different from everyones else's way of doing things, but it's my way. I have never been one to follow. So I give myself permission to have my pity party's as long as they last for less than 2 days & I get to have candy during that time.
The book is called Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh. Wisdom for cooling the flames.
Read it, you may like it.